Sex as Transcendence: The Messy Middle

When you think of sex, is it messy?

The purpose of this blog has always been to share stories of my spiritual path, travel and the lessons learned along the way. My regular readers might be thinking, “sex”? Just hang with me. It occurred to me this week that I should write weekly and share my rocky spiritual beginnings, the messy middle, as well as the profound.

So, why not start with the messy subject of sex!

Last week, at the encouragement of some friends, I broadcasted on Facebook Live to talk about women’s erotic experiences. My intent was to talk about writing one’s own story and listening to others’ stories as the beginning of a road to sexual ecstasy, but what came out of my mouth was not exactly what I intended.

I know that some of what I said resonated with some of the folks by the positive feedback I received. However, after reading the transcript of the program, my message seemed to go around in circles rather than following the more lineal and simpler path. As I thought about it, I realized that good sex is all about spontaneity, and the circular art of dancing with your partner’s heart, body and spirit. So, why not take the conversation in circles.

Messy sex, like all things spontaneous, is great sex!

The secret to great sex, for me, has always been in the preparation before the actual act of having sex, making love, or flying together. Erotic encounters have been a mere page in a long story expressing the lessons I have learned on this awesome spiritual path.

While last week’s broadcast was messy, there were three components of attraction I chatted about: courage, clarity, and spirit.

• Courage: the ability to be authentic, honest in expressing one’s fantasies and desires, and willingness to let oneself go.
• Clarity: the ability to know oneself, take care of oneself, and understand why one believes a particular erotic encounter might match one’s desires.
• Spirit: the ability to feel the connection of two people as greater than the sum of two parts.

Sex magic occurs as the result of the erotic energy flowing between, among and around the individuals participating. Sexual transcendence occurs because of an individual’s internal work. With the courage to articulate our desires, the clarity of knowing what we want, and the spirit of understanding that there is something bigger than oneself, we create the space for the wonderful and messy experiences of fun fucking, intense love making and the magical flight of transcendence.

My work continues.

Will you join me?

Toni Bear, Ed.D.